Hello, My name is Lili, Lili Fastelstavekladosatorkafaslyudmekrax. I am a private detective, and I also help insane people gain their sanity again. I know how to create portals. Also, I love trying to find out harsh cases that even police detectives can’t solve.
If you ever find a person wearing sky blue and white, with long blonde hair with multiple light blue strokes in it, that is me.
It was 5:00 in the morning on a cold winter day, I woke up, got some coffee, had a scone, and took off to my small workplace that I rented. I spent 5 hours filling out reports and talking to mentally insane people. If you wonder how mentally unstable they are, I had to deal with 2 people restrained by strong metal chains and one broke free. I grabbed that dude though but he told me about the news of a kidnapped napping young child. As I heard this news, I finished work and called my assistant detective, Collerroaster Velvet.
I invited her and we had a long talk about the child and the information I gathered from the dude over popcorn, and Lucky Charms ice cream. We both had a little telepathy talk about how if we didn’t act fast, the child’s hair would be sold at a local black market to make Barbie doll hair. Nowadays, criminals don’t dabble in these things, so in return, the hair might be sold at the highest of maybe 1.2billion dollars for a handful, so we should act before disaster strikes. After our snack, we looked for helpful clues around the place that the dude told us about. We didn’t know why the dude told us to come here.
When we were heading back, I saw a small red launchpad for 2 people only. Once we stepped on, we found ourselves in a whole new alternate dimension that was all red. We all realized that this must’ve been the work of Red Lollipop, an infamous criminal known for her history with the black market, and thus, many blacklist hunters are after her. Not only did the dimension seem horrible, it looked like the place where Satan lives in (A.K.A. opposite of Heaven).
In the dimension, we saw the small child go into a small farmyard shack, then get carried away using a dog sled. Also, we saw Red Lollipop, talking to us in the vision saying the head of the criminal gang was controlling her. She explained that she was an innocent soul that got herself taken over by ASKHFDJLTRZ, the most dangerous criminal in history. She also said that during her ”awake” hours, which is the hours she is in control of her body, she created this unnatural distorted world that could be unlocked by the ones who tried to solve her cases, in hope to find one who could help her. At this point, me and Velvet had enough, we knew the whereabouts of the shack and headed there.
At the shack, we saw another red launchpad that we stepped on, Red Lollipop was there again telling us to hurry. She gave us the location of the child and the world slowly faded away again. Since we now knew the whereabouts of the child, we headed there immediately. Once we got there, we thought we were too late until……………….. I saw the child playing while Red Lollipop isolated herself from the child. Velvet took care of the child while I visited Red. When I came close to her, she seemed distraught, then she attacked me. I held her off with my giant hard carrot sword, shoved a random carrot down her throat, thwacked her on the head with a fizzy bomb, and got her cold, sticky, and wet. She came back to her senses and helped by saying “thank you for helping me regain control of myself forever, I will finally peacefully rest.” And gave us the address of ASKFDJCTRZ’s hideout.
Velvet grabbed the child and I created a portal for us to take him to his parents. We headed to the location of ASKHFDJLTRZ’s hideout, and on the way, we found the world’s cutest corgi walking upon the streets. The dog was unexpected, as these roads didn’t have any animals whatsoever, nonetheless paw prints anywhere. Under the dog, there were no prints as if the dog was a ghost. The dog suddenly spoke and said “I will be your humble guide for your trip to the hideout.”
“don’t worry, Red Lollipop sent me to guide you there.” Since we only knew the address, we had no choice but to follow the small dog to the criminal hideout. Fortunately, the dog did lead us to the hideout, but he faded as soon as we got to the doorstep.
When we got inside, Velvet and I saw the experiments ASKHFDJLTRZ was dabbling with. There were experiments like creating a human with superpowers. Obviously, these tests didn’t work, but the tests would’ve been successful if the people he used weren’t so weak. I intruded into one of the rooms, hoping to find some information for the P.D.. Unfortunately, I had a meet up with ASKHFDJLTRZ. Once he saw me, he attacked me with his weapons. Luckily, I have my own weapons (all are scientific food weapons) so I fought back by smacking him with some stale baguette, punched him, and sprayed him with some acidic orange juice to knock him out. I punched him in the face to make sure he was knocked out and filed a report for the case. Little did I know ASKHFDJLTRZ didn’t actually get knocked down from my level 2 karate punch, and was sneaking behind me, waiting to smack me with a metal rod. I dodged quickly and sent him flying with a level 6 karate punch. I jumped up, grabbed him, and kicked him to the ground. “UGH, finally I can finish this report.”
Yes, I, Lili, have solved another difficult case.